I have been teaching Communicating Mindfully (CM) for well over a decade. During that time, it has been my pleasure to watch my college students discover and modify unproductive behaviors, learn to manage challenges that have plagued them for years—including learning disabilities, PTSD, and other mental health issues—and experience an increased appreciation for life in general. As you can imagine, these kinds of changes are good for people personally and professionally. Many of my students write about applying CM skills to the workplace.

Today’s businesses are in a unique position to help make this world a better place by offering training in mindful communication, and if recent surveys are any indication this training is sorely needed.

It is my goal to help as many people as possible lead fulfilling lives. Doing so means they don’t mind getting up in the morning to go to work. In fact, they look forward to it because they have learned a way to engage with their jobs in a way that they know is productive—tapping into their abilities and creativity to contribute to the company’s success, as well as their own growth as human beings. This growth comes naturally with focused attention, a willingness to modify what they identify as unproductive behavior, and a recognition of the beautiful unpredictability of each moment.

Today’s businesses are in a unique position to help make this world a better place by offering training in mindful communication, and if recent surveys are any indication this training is sorely needed. While a recent Pew Research Center survey found that the majority of Americans believe communication skills are the most important when it comes to one’s success in life, a separate survey suggests many employees do not have this fundamental skill, for the survey found a majority of CEO’s, executives, employees, and educators believe “lack of collaboration or ineffective communication is to blame for most workplace failures.”

Communicating Mindfully may be the ideal program for improving communication in the workplace. It not only helps people communicate more effectively, but because it includes mindfulness training, participants experience many of the same outcomes as other mindfulness program attendees, including reduced stress, improved health, and increased happiness. Although “happiness” can seem like a murky term for the workplace, there is an increasing body of evidence that the happier people are, the more successful they are.

Controlled studies on CM suggest the following outcomes:

• No shift in blame from self to others during reappraisal of stressful events
• Increased ability to identify and express emotions
• Decreased rumination and catastrophizing
• Increased emotional intelligence
• Increased mindfulness

Anecdotal evidence suggests the following skills are also outcomes of the CM course/training:

• Focused attention, hearing a person out fully before reacting/responding
• Listening fully when someone is responding to your ideas
• Pausing to reflect on what was said before responding and giving others space to do the same
• Focusing on making good decisions, not on whose ideas are adopted
• Sensitivity to other people’s nonverbal behavior and an awareness of one’s own
• An ability to observe one’s self-talk and emotions—identifying when they are accurate, inaccurate, and/or useful
• Practicing assertive behavior instead of passive or aggressive behavior
• Focusing on the messages others deliver and looking past the tone with which they are delivered (when appropriate)

We all benefit when people enjoy their jobs. They are less stressed, less reactive, healthier, more creative, more thoughtful, and more productive. They complain and gossip less. They brainstorm and cooperate better, and they laugh more often (which studies suggests is a characteristic of productive teams).

And they do all of these things not because they have to in order to keep their jobs, not because they have been given salary and promotion incentives, but because they are invested in their lives; they care about themselves and others; and they know the choices they make during each and every interaction influences whether they are happy, sad, frustrated, angry, inspired, compassionate, helpful, hopeful, or joyful in that moment, the moments that follow—and even the days, months, and years ahead. They learn to observe their thoughts and emotions and use that information to communicate effectively, and when they do, they learn about themselves: how they think, what their triggers are, when fear and judgment are holding them back, and when they are not treating others with respect. Each interaction becomes an opportunity to get better at having productive, satisfying communication experiences. At the end of the day, they feel good. Not only have they helped their company run smoothly and deliver quality products and services, they have done so in a way that honors their humanity as well as that of everyone with whom they interacted. That kind of communication is motivating and deeply satisfying. It’s not always easy, but it is worth it.

Through observation of and modifications to the interactions they have with their colleagues, clients, and customers each and every day, what is often referred to as the “dull grind” of work becomes the opposite: an endless series of opportunities for discovery and deeper connection with ourselves and others. In his Harvard Business Review article, “See Colleagues as They Are Not as They Were,” Duncan Coombe emphasizes one benefit that can arise from applying this kind of fluid, mindful perspective in the workplace by pointing out the importance of allowing our perceptions of our colleagues to change over time. When we spend our days observing and modifying our own unproductive habits and giving others the space to do the same without judgment, work becomes an exciting opportunity for growth and discovery. Each moment is fresh, new—and we are ready for it.

This aspect of mindful communication in general and Communicating Mindfully in particular, speaks to a language issue raised in the “Mindfulness at Work Report” that emphasizes a common dichotomy between the way mindfulness is often promoted by employers—who put an emphasis on increasing productivity, lowering absenteeism, and/or lowering healthcare costs—and the motivating factor for many employees, which tends to be on improved overall wellbeing. These outcomes are not independent of one another. You can “have your cake and eat it too.”

• CM Textbook: http://augustlearningsolutions.com/products/Communicating_Mindfully/
• TEDx Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sgb7VAf4rTk

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When a person grows from a narrow, ego-framed life focused upon “me” into the wider, more self-less embrace of “we,” his or her degree of conscious, mindful awareness expands exponentially. In the ancient Pali language (used to preserve the Buddhist canon of the Theravada Buddhist tradition), the word for heart and mind are the same. Therefore, kindness is the heart-full-ness companion of mindfulness in action, and is not source-dependent like the elusive pursuit of valuing transitory, surface-level happiness can be. Kindness often brings forth the even deeper state of joy, naturally. The experience of joy is a positive outcome of extending kindness toward others without expectations or a desire for reciprocity, and becomes an integrated component of who we are and how we show up in any given situation or encounter. It is sustainable because it arises from a spirit of abundance, not a sense of lack.

Fear-based thinking, acting and behaving by employees, management and leadership contaminates a workplace into a toxic environment. Mindfulness trainings may be brought in for only the above-listed benefits, and can be merely a band-aid slapped over deep and complex foundational cracks.

Teaching mindfulness skills in the workplace environment is often centered around introducing practices that can offer measurable results and a tangible ROI to the organization, such as improved employee performance, focus, and productivity; managing the effects of chronic stress; and improved awareness and self-regulation through the inclusion of emotional intelligence training and simple conflict resolution techniques. All are noble efforts that are having a beneficial impact, moving away from the old status quo of how work gets done.

However, fear-based thinking, acting and behaving by employees, management and leadership contaminates a workplace into a toxic environment. Mindfulness trainings may be brought in for only the above-listed benefits, and can be merely a band-aid slapped over deep and complex foundational cracks. A highly competitive and frequently uncivil culture within an organization (and extended outward) fuels all sorts of unkindness that is often justified as “business, not personal” – even though real live human beings suffer damages on multiple levels that cannot be simply “meditated away”. If a culture of mindful awareness does not become transparently adopted and continuously supported within all levels of an organization, once the trainers have left the building, the long-term transformative capabilities of mindfulness practices are eventually lost if they are not modeled in an inclusive and authentic manner. And if kindness is viewed as a weakness, it will happen even faster.

Those of us who don’t need science to validate the positive influence of kindness in all areas of life (and particularly at work) couldn’t be more thrilled to see what is simply common business sense may indeed someday become common business practice

Being kind in our professional lives makes logical business sense, as just about everyone wants to be treated with respect, honesty, fairness and appreciation. However, if a workplace environment is not consciously created to bring forth honorable and humane relationship behaviors between all stakeholders what Case Western University Professor Dr. Richard Boyatzis teaches about Resonant Leadership in his book and trainings is absolutely true: what makes common sense isn’t always common practice. Although cultivating compassion and empathy is touched upon in almost every basic mindfulness training, teaching about kindness (along with its companions benevolence and goodwill) is worthy of greater emphasis within any trainer’s “mindfulness toolkit”. This is especially true now that there is increasing scientific evidence to back up kindness’ value as not only a trainable skill, but also one that can help to attain the ever-present reality of the business’ financial bottom line, while also contributing to facilitating wholeness within a broken workplace.

Several examples of how the common sense skill of kindness is being given a scientific, academic, medical and organizational “thumbs up”:

• An October 2015 study by Raposa, Laws and Ansell published in the journal Clinical Psychological Science found performing small acts of kindness for others cultivates an improved outlook on life, and helps people cope with stress more effectively. “Our research shows that when we help others we can also help ourselves,” explained study author Emily Ansell from the Yale University School of Medicine. “Stressful days usually lead us to have a worse mood and poorer mental health, but our findings suggest that if we do small things for others, such as holding a door open for someone, we won’t feel as poorly on stressful days.” The study suggests that pro-social behaviors like kindness might someday be a beneficial aspect of treatment for people suffering from chronic stress or depression.

• The “soft skill” of kindness is often passed over in favor of “hard skills” possessed by potential employees, but a study of pro-social skills in kindergarten students published in the American Journal of Public Health (Jones, Greenberg, & Crowley, 2015) demonstrated that skills like kindness can support a more stable and healthier adult experience in all areas of life, regardless of one’s background.

• Participants in a study designed to “establish the effects of acts of kindness and acts of novelty on life satisfaction” published in The Journal of Social Psychology (Buchanan & Bardi, 2010) showed a positive effect from both, concluding that both kind and new acts, performed daily over as little as ten days, can increase life satisfaction.

• Psychologist John Gottman of The Gottman Institute is committed to helping couples build and maintain loving, healthy relationships by implementing data from scientific studies into his counseling practice. His 94% success rate in determining which couples will stay together and which ones will split up is corroborated by independent studies that confirm his assertions that, “Contempt is the number one factor that tears couples apart” while “Kindness, on the other hand, glues couples together” (Smith, 2014).

• A study of socially anxious college undergraduates recently published in the journal Motivation and Emotion demonstrated that engaging in acts of kindness decreases social avoidance goals, that left unaddressed are linked to “…more negative and fewer positive social events, higher reactivity to negative events, loneliness, negative social attitudes, relationship insecurity, social worry, decreased relationship satisfaction, anxious solitary behavior, and lower perceived popularity” (Trew & Alden, 2015).

• Neurosurgeon Dr. James Doty, founder and director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE) at Stanford University wrote a recent post for the Huffington Post that discusses the importance of kindness in healing. He wrote, “Hopefully sharing this new science of kindness helps all of us – physicians and patients alike – to see in new ways how and why kindness heals and even more importantly how being kind results in one living a longer – and happier – life” (Doty, 2016). He referred to a number of studies showing that kindness helps “…contribute to less pain from conditions such as fibromyalgia and arthritis, as well as better health for those with chronic conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, or asthma.”

• A 2016 report released by Making Caring Common, (a project of the Harvard Graduate School of Education “that helps educators, parents, and communities raise children who are caring responsible to their communities, and committed to justice”) titled “Turning the Tide: Inspiring Concern for Others and the Common Good through College Admissions” endorsed by dozens of revered colleges and universities, proposes that the college admission process should be restructured to promote kindness and compassion in light of increasing academic pressure on students, and encourage high school students to focus upon meaningful ethical and intellectual engagement.

Lastly, Daniel Lubetzky, the founder and CEO of KIND (a U.S. company that sells healthy snack foods), agrees that kindness is “transformative” – and it is also an important business skill. In a 2016 interview published in Forbes Magazine, when Lubetzky was asked if he had to constantly explain what the relevance of kindness to business is, he replied:

Yes, a lot of people see what we’re doing as antithetical to business and the competitive environment. In my opinion, they’re wrong. It’s important for people to know that I’m not doing this because it makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

For me, empathy is an existential question – it’s about the survival of the human race. That is, it’s imperative for us to overcome the challenges we face. Unless we can join forces and recognize each other’s humanity, how can we do business together, let alone make progress on the increasingly complex and difficult problems in society?

Those of us who don’t need science to validate the positive influence of kindness in all areas of life (and particularly at work) couldn’t be more thrilled to see what is simply common business sense may indeed someday become common business practice. “B Corporations,” the Conscious Capitalism movement, LinkedIn Vice-President Fred Kofman’s Conscious Business book and Business Academy, and Frederic Laloux’s Reinventing Organization’s “Teal” model all show that both mindfulness and kindness are part of the growing new paradigm of humane and whole businesses – and their leadership. While the ROI of kindness may be a bit harder to measure for investor or board-requested metrics, it undoubtedly offers priceless intrinsic value in creating a workplace where people feel both valued and safe when they come to work each day, and the bottom line is achieved through a collective spirit of contribution, collaboration, caring and cohesiveness.

© 2009, 2016, Suzanne Matthiessen/holisticmindfulness.org

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References:

Buchanan, K. E. & Bardi, A. (2010). Acts of kindness and acts of novelty affect life satisfaction. The Journal of Social Psychology.150(3). Retrieved from http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224540903365554

Doty, J. R. (2016, January 26). Why kindness heals. The Huffington Post. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-r-doty-md/why-kindness-heals_b_9082134.html

Harvard University. (2016). “Turning the tide: Inspiring concern for others and the common good through college admissions.” Making Caring Common Project: Harvard Graduate School of Education. Retrieved from http://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/files/gse-mcc/files/20160120_mcc_ttt_report_interactive.pdf

Jones, D. E., Greenberg, M. & Crowley, M. (2015) Early social-emotional functioning and public health: The relationship between kindergarten social competence and future wellness. American Journal of Public Health, 105(11), 2283-2290. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4605168/

Mauss, I. B., Tamir, M, Anderson, C. L. & Savino, N. S. (2011). Can seeking happiness make people happy? Paradoxical effects of valuing happiness. Emotion. 11(4) pp. 807 – 815. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3160511/

Raposa, E. B., Laws, H. B., & Ansell, E. B. (2015). Prosocial behavior mitigates the negative effects of stress in everyday life. Clinical Psychological Science. DOI: 10.1177/2167702615611073 Retrieved from http://cpx.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/12/10/2167702615611073

Smith, E.E. (2014, June 12). Masters of love: Science says lasting relationships come down to – you guessed it – kindness and generosity. The Atlantic. Retrieved from http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/

Trew, J.L. & Alden, L.E. (2015). Kindness reduces avoidance goals in socially anxious individuals. Motivation and Emotion, 39(6), pp. 892-907. Retrieved from http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs11031-015-9499-5

Today I want to discuss being more Mindful, especially during the inevitable year-end madness that is life in our society today. Specifically, I want to detail how important it is to be Mindful — a Buddhism-inspired mental technique that encourages participants to focus on “being in the present” in hopes of leading a less stressful and more productive life — how you can work towards that, what resources are available to help you get started and, finally, the benefits to leading a more mindful life.

Chances are that no matter how stressed we can be, our tendency is NOT to carve out ten minutes here and there to sit quietly and think about being present in the moment. According to mindful.org the top excuses to not practice mindfulness are 1) It sounds boring; 2) I can’t sit still; 3) I don’t have time; 4) I’m scared to be alone; and 5) My mind is too fast. All valid points. And all screaming of exactly WHY people should pursue becoming more mindful in the first place!
Here are mindful.org’s top reasons to give it a try anyway: 1) to understand your pain; 2) manage stress; 3) connect better; 4) improve focus; 5) reduce brain chatter.

This year when I was introduced to the different facets of the Foundation for a Mindful Society, which comprises Mindful magazine, the mindful.org, MindfulDirect videos and conferences, I looked further into this and found this concept really held something that I wanted to pursue as well as share. Severely lacking in our society today is the power to be fully present in whatever it is we are doing; even while out socializing, the tendency is to continue checking email, replying to voice mail, etc. The Foundation for a Mindful Society wants to amend this with their role as a mission-driven nonprofit “dedicated to inspiring, guiding, and connecting all those who want to enjoy the benefits of mindfulness practice, and to create healthier relationships and a more caring society.” Whew! Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? Let’s look into this further.

According to Barry Boyce, Mindful’s editor in chief. “Mindfulness is an inherent human ability that we all have, a basic human ability to fully (be) attentive to where we are and what we are doing at any given moment and also, out of that, (to be) more caring. From our point of view, mindfulness is not an add-on to your life. It’s something you already have and can cultivate it further.”

Two Mindful Myths: Mindfulness is just a passing fad. While the media can certainly exploit certain topics (think: natural, organic, green), lately mindfulness has been getting its share of deserved attention. Also, Mindfulness is not exactly the same as meditation, though it certainly includes it in its practice. For example, “traditional mindfulness” is usually performed by focusing on the breath or sensations in the body. There is also “creative mindfulness,” performed by engaging in a specific creative activity like drawing or writing. It’s the strong focus on body, breath, and the specific activities of creating that enable people to become more involved in what they’re doing and find a state of “calm abiding,” with less effort than they would have used just sitting on a chair meditating.
Today I have a challenge for you. Set aside 5 minutes to be alone, preferably in a dark or dimmed room, remove or ignore distractions and watch this video:

When you’re done, take notice. Do you feel more focused, less stressed or better connected to you surroundings? If you view the video, please comment below with positive or negative feedback. I encourage you to discover mindfulness on your own and check out the links I’ve included above. It may be the small, yet significant, tweak you can make to your day that can yield plenty of positive results.

Taking some time to be mindful of where you are at and what you are doing is a step in the right direction to ending the year on a positive note and starting 2016 off with enthusiasm and energy. Now go clear your calendar AND your mind for ten minutes, and apply your thoughts to the power of mindfulness!